When you are where you are meant to be.... things flow.

Yesterday was a strange day. It was my first day after (finally) finishing the uni term, a uni term that had damn near traumatised me. Last term I took on fulltime uni as we had settled into Kalgoorlie to work for 6 months or so and Zac had just started daycare two days a week. However - that "plan" (like many, when you become a parent) was not to be.

Zac instantly hated daycare... He cried from the moment we dropped him off until the moment we picked him up. His teachers were stressed because he seemed to be the "exception" to the whole "Oh, he will be laughing and playing (and stop crying) as soon as you're out ther door", instead - he was very consistant for a couple of weeks at two days a week. We realised this was causing him ALOT of stress and his teachers were having trouble giving him the support he needed because they simply hadn't experienced such a consistantly sad child.

This led to us pulling him out of daycare, I mean - I enjoy every moment with my son. When he is in daycare I miss him terribly. I (honestly) only sent him because it is the "thing you do" but my husband pointed out that alot of our life decisions go against that grain so if I love being with Zac and dont mind having him home full time, then why send him to daycare when he clearly isnt settling in? We believe that he wasnt settling in because of our lifestyle and always moving around, as he previously LOVED his "home-daycare" he used to attend (read: this would have been an entirely different situation if he had have settled in happily - he would still be attending now).

Thus the decision was finalised, and although my time alone went down to basically zero, my uni workload persisted. This lead to a very stressful term for me! I experienced alot of guilt because there were many times I had to just give up and sit Zac in front of the TV so that I could get some work done (those who know me know that I am the kinda mum whom is ALWAYS playing with her child and teaching him things and going outdoors with him when we are together) so this all added to both of our stress levels, which then bounced off eachother even more so.

Anyway, I woke up yesterday with no uni work and was just baffled... We got up slowly and casually, I washed some dishes, tidied the van, got ontop of the washing. Then we went and caught up with some friends we have met here in Kalgoorlie, THEN we came home... and relaxed??!?!?!?!?

..... it was BLISSFUL!

We made the bed so it was nice and neat, then layed on the bed, under the aircon and played cars, puzzles, lego, flash cards, dominoes, for hours. It felt so good to just be able to enjoy Zac again and play with him with my attention all on him. Then around 5:30 in the afternoon I took him for a big walk around Boulder while the sun started to get lower in the sky. Would you believe that after all of this attention, busy day etc. he fell STRAIGHT to sleep when I put him to bed. Wow, It all just felt so right, like it is the way its meant to be for us - like everything was flowing naturally again. (the last three weeks zac has experienced a major sleep regression, thats why this sleep "thing" has been massive for us now).

I hadnt realised how much my desire to get a qualification was affecting Zacs life. I knew I took on too much but I didnt realise how much my inability to keep up with it all was responsible for all of the massive changes Zac has been experiencing lately. With this thought in mind; life feels so blissful again. I love enjoying Zac and making the most of every second I have with him, so I am so happy to get to experience that again.

Today it has been the same, a nice relaxing morning with a little bit of housework. Then the day is ours, to play and learn together, to enjoy eachothers company and experience life together. I feel so lucky to be in a position to be home with my son all the time, I feel grateful that I enjoy his company so much and that I get to really teach him the basics aswell as about life and the world.

So today I am a little "high on life", I feel really happy, relaxed, at ease and inspired. I feel energised and ready to really be the mum I always wanted to be. I know my son would be proud of me in years to come if I could stand up and say "I singlehandedly finished a FULLTIME uni degree in just a few years, while raising my child and having a husband working extremely long hours. Because of this I was able to take on a high paying job and buy my son everything he could have dreamed of", but I know I am raising a child whom would be prouder to be able to say "my mum taught me the ABC, to read, to write, to play and how to be a good person, she was always there when I needed her and my memories are of her time, not of objects".

I feel so grateful for everything my life has brought to me. There have been some substantially tough times, but they have only intensified my desire to sieze the moment, be with my husband and son and experience a simple, happy life.

Mum, can I help?

Mum, can I help?

‘Mum, can I help?’ – This is the sentence I hear the absolute most from my 3 year old son at home.  It doesn’t seem to matter what I am doing – he wants to help. If he spots me wiping down a bench, mopping floors, baking, tidying or just ‘pottering around’ doing a little bit of everything, he VERY excitedly runs up and asks to help.

Like most mothers I find my days pretty busy ( and most of the time I like that), because of this I found myself trying to rush to get my ‘jobs’ done so that I can have downtime with my son. So I was always responding to my son ‘just let mummy do it mate, then I’ll come and play with you’.

This seemed fine, he never became upset about not being able to help me so it was never something I gave any further thought - until recently. A week or so ago when my uni workload lessened and I found myself with a bit of extra time on my hands – I decided to slowwwww right down.

Zac and I at Ayers rock

I slowed down so much that I started to actually think before I responded to my sons’ requests to help me. When I thought about it I realised that my mum was often disappointed in our disinterest in helping out once we were older. I started wondering if my significantly, efficient mum had perhaps found herself doing the same thing as me – focussing on getting those seemingly “mindless” tasks like cleaning out of the way quickly, in order to have “quality time” for her children.

So I trailed off with my thoughts and began to wonder if maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal to include Zac in these tasks, to teach him skills like cooking, cleaning, tidying, folding, sorting, packing, washing (clothing and dishes) at his own pace, when his own interest spikes and at such a young age. That way he will become capable at such tasks and also develop an understanding of the domestic duties running a household requires.

So this morning Zac said “Mum, what are you doing” and I responded “I’m putting the washing in the machine so I can wash it”, then came the question “mum, can I help?” What did I say? I said “YES”. He then picked up the clothing items I had placed in the basket on the floor, he loaded them all in the washing machine and with direction he took a scoop of powder and tipped it in, pressed the buttons and started the machine. When the load was finished he was EXCITED to hear the beep (can you believe that? Lol) and because he couldn’t reach the line he requested that he could pass me each peg while I hung the washing out. It was actually really nice to have the company and bring a fresh new light to the world of housework.

Zac washing the dishes for the first time when we were in Darwin, we had to re-wash every one of them once he was in bed but he still enjoyed helping.

Not only does this kind of (voluntary) involvement in the housework teach Zac new skills, it also increases his confidence in himself and what he is capable of. Since that task he has requested (and proceeded) to help me measure, mix and bake a batch of coconut macaroons and ginger bread men, helped me put away the washing and we swept the annex together.

During all of this Zac was so happy and excitable but at the same time he slowed down and genuinely listened to and processed the instructions I gave him. He seemed to feel really satisfied at the end of each task and immediately asked me for something else to help with.

Even though his help can slow things down a lot and make simple tasks quiet tedious, ultimately, I do have the time for that and if that’s what he wants to do and he finds fun at the time than I don’t think he is missing any of the “quality time” he is giving up by missing out on a few of those minutes and hours of sitting on the floor playing with plastic toys together. Not that I will let my domestic responsibilities take away our play time.

I love to teach Zac accountability as a method of discipline. For example if he throws a tantrum that involves knocking his drink on the floor (or something else messy) once he has calmed down I will direct him to the cupboard to get a cloth, then have him clean up the mess he has made. This seems to be far more effective than a punishment that doesn’t actually correlate with the situation he has created. We offer him help and if he accepts than we get a cloth and also help him but he has to be involved too. I guess that including him in domestic tasks (or any tasks for that matter) when he requests, is in the same vein. Some of the other tasks he requests to help with (and we allow him to by finding jobs he CAN do) are:

• Fixing the car with his dad – Brent will have him pass him tools and will explain what he is doing
• Baking – he loves baking and we bake together several times a week
• Carrying things – at the supermarket we allow him to carry a basket with a loaf of bread (or something equally light) if he requests to.
• Feeding and caring for our guinea pig – this is another way to teach him responsibility aswell as how to be gentle.
• Sorting – he will sort through his belongings and our belongings with us to choose what we will donate to charity

And many other small tasks like collecting our mail, taking the rubbish out, making our beds, sweeping, washing the car etc.

Zac helping daddy fix the car

I am really enjoying working together and I am enjoying not only his company but the educational aspect of it. I won’t be forcing him into housework as I completely respect that that is my responsibility (and it doesn’t bother me at all) but from now on, when he asks to help, I won’t think twice! It’s a beautiful opportunity to spend even more time together and teach him about tasks his future will most definitely involve.

Getting an early start on New Years Resolutions.

So as I prepare to say goodbye to 2011 and welcome 2012 Ihave began to think about New Years Resolutions, we all make them, but do we all keep them? New Years resolutions. New years eve, the dawn of a fresh, new year, its the perfect time to set a few goals you would like to achieve for the year. I make resolutions ever year but I dont always stick to them because they arent always goals that my "heart" is in on. They are generally fickle resolutions or vanity related (come on I'm a woman, we like those sorts of notions). So this year I've decided to focus my goals on out travel lifestyle, because lets face it - weight loss just doesnt seem to be happening for me and they say that when you "give up" and stop focussing on it, somtimes it happens in a natural progression.

So I want this years NY reso's to focus on internal growth, prolonging and refining our lifestyle and just general travel and family time. I also dont want to have too many because ultimately - it's too much to focus on. I have decided to make five new years resolutions. So here goes:

1) Find an inner peace with our lifestyle.

This may confuse some people because I am so open about my love of this life, but I feel like I must explain: The way we live is so different to our peers and when you take on such a different lifestyle (despite how much you love and advocate it) you can somtimes find yourself questioning yourself. I have found that alot of our peers have recently purchased their second homes (or their first) have setlled their children into day care, school etc and have very structured day to day lives. So when I see this, naturally I wonder if (despite how happy this life makes us) we could be making the wrong decisions and potentially "f**king up" our future.

Deep down I know this isnt the case but its hard not to question yourself when 'everyone else' seems to be doing the one thing and your life is so completely different. So this year I want to focus on the fact that 'yes, my life is different', but we love this life and it works for us and the lives of others work for them. I want to stop comparing my sons childhood and upbringing to those of our peers children and accept that the different experiences dont have to be detremental to his growth and development of things like social skills, strong relationships and feelings of security. I know how happy this lifestyle makes myself and my family so it's silly to question myself just because I am not part of a majority group for once in my life.

2) Sort out our financial situation.

I know that my husband (Brent) and I dont aim to be rich (and most likely never will) but I would like to develop a system or plan. At the moment our plans involve working for 6 - 9 months then having 6-9 months off travelling however nothing is ever regular. I would like for us to focus even more on penny pinching while we are staying in a town working - to optimise our savings success. I would like to leave each town knowing that we have saved as much as we possibly could have (NOT so we feel 'rich') so we can then live as frugal as possible, for as long as possible and prolong the time before my husband has to go back to work.

This was our initial focus when beginning this trip: the idea that we werent out to get rich, just to have fun. Which has been a good focus for us. But once again in regard to comparing ourselves to others in our peer group we have deiscovered that we dont maintain as much financial security as them and in our constant search for gratification and happiness we somtimes omit financial security from our priorities and be quite frivilous with our money. I'd like is to focus on being frugal and stretching our money further and not spending on things that dont matter. We are still solid consumerists but I can feel us getting better so I would like to focus on that over the next year and really refine our financial needs down to what we really do need to spend on.

3) Spend more time helping others and being charitable.

The lat few weeks in the lead up to Christmas we have absolutely torn the inside of our van apart in regard to getting rid of extra items and giving to the less fortunate. We even had our son go through his books and toys and donate a massive box of books he no longer needs to children whom may not be receiving anything for Christmas. We have donated moer stuff than we even realised could have fit into our van in the frist place and we have all felt really great about it. We are a family that love to help others and we would love to incorperate some volunteer work into our travels this year. I am hoping we can perhaps stay at an outback Aboriginal camp and help out with fixing their diesel machinery (Brent can) and I can perhaps do activities with the women or children. I have applied for a few different volunteer programs but we will just have to see what we can find and where we will be.

It does concern me alot that as an only child, Zac could grow up feeling privlidged, perhaps even 'spoilt' (I hate to use that word). So I would love to focus on teaching him compassion and how to be charitable. I hate the idea of living with a tonne of stuff and sitting ona  gold mine of money while people are out there struggling, so even though we dont have either of those, I want to help. I want my son to learn how to help and I think this adventure can really facilitate that for us and for him.

4) Continue to enjoy the simple pleasure in life and share them with others.

I love that our lifestyle allows us to enjoy the simple pleasure of life. I love being outside with my family exploring new places and experiencing nature. I love the way nature can foster healing and positivity and I love to promote and share that concept with others. I want to focus on that once again this year - I want to focus less on man made touristy attractions and more on the natural, amazing wonders that this country has to offer. I want to explore the outback, experience more sunrises and sunsets and the rest of the beauty this country has to offer. I

I also want to try and share that with others. When we go back to suburban areas to visit friends and family I would like to encourage them to take outdoor adventures with us, even just day trips or weekends camping, rather than going to theme parks or shopping centres. I want to encourage them to get outside and enjoy the fresh air and experience the beauty of nature with their children and friends. I want to have bbqs outside rather than eating at restaraunts and I want to do weekend activities like bushwalks with them. This lifestyle and being outdoors means everything to me and it would be unfair of me not to try and share that with the people I love.

5) Continue to push my comfort zones.

So far our trip around Australia has pushed ALOT of my boundaries and comfort zones. When we began this journey I only wanted to stick to the coast and actually drive right around the coast roads of Australia. When my mother heard this she was devistated as she has an intense love of the outback and cant say a single bad word about her adventures through the deserts of central Australia. Eventually I became convinced to go straight up the centre from Port Augusta, to Darwin with stops at Ayers rock and Alice Springs and I will forever be grateful that my mum and my husband took the time to 'convince' me to do this. I have turned a massive 'fear of the unknown' I had about these areas into a HUGE interest and now somthing I look forward to the absolute most.

I have pushed many of my comfort zones on this trip because before I leaving I was an extremely nervous person with a lot of little anxieties and fears. I have an intense fear of lizards but at the reptile centre at alice springs I was surrounded by them and did my best to stay near them. I am intensly afraid of going undergrouns but at Cutta Cutta Caves I want underground (not for as long as I should have, but it was progress, none the less). I have been close to snakes and crocodiles in the wild and have let go of alot of the boundaries that heavily inhibited my life. I now crave adventure and simplicity and am not afraid to forgo homely comforts in order to chase them. I want to focus this year on pushing even more of my boundaries by taking opportunities that are offered to me and searchinf for some of my own.

So these are my travel/lifestyle related New Years Resolutions and after reading them back I can see that all I have to gain from achieving them is even more fun and happiness and adventure. I hope that this year I can focus on them and achieve them and really 'live it up'.

What are your resolutions?

The way our relationships have changed as a result of living on the road.

My husband and I
I like to think that my husband and I have a phenomenal relationship (with ups & downs, of course). We work hard to be honest and compassionate with each-other and we focus really heavily on being happy, above everything else. We share a lot of the same goals, focuses and morals which helps our relationship to stay equal and accommodating for both of us. My husband and I enjoy being together (as I’m sure everyone else does with the spouse) so our main priority of this trip was “time” – for each other, our son and the three of us as a family.

When Brent (my husband) worked a demanding job, fulltime and we lived in suburbia, we felt like we had so little time together. However now that we live in the van our situation has forced us to realise that we had too many “distractions” during those important moments that should have been ours. Im sure many of you can relate to the idea of coming home from work and tuning out in front of the TV once the kids are tucked into bed. We fell into that pattern (due to exhaustion). Now that we live in the van – watching television is a very rare occurrence for us.

When nightfall hits we tuck our son in bed then eat our dinner together, under the stars. We then stay sitting outside and talk and talk and talk and before we know it it’s time to get to bed. We have so much time to talk to each other, learn more about each other, plan our future, and discuss our dreams – more time to connect. This “time” together is completely free from distractions and is so valuable to us; it’s one of the wonderful by-products of this lifestyle.  

My son and I

My son and I have more time together than I ever imagined having with my child. I am able to really focus on teaching him things, fostering a love for the environment and a compassion for others, purely because I have so much time and inspiration. Once again, our quality time is uninterrupted and outside with fresh air and endorphins flowing.

We explore entirely new areas and learn together and because of that he develops an added confidence and understanding of what he sees and experiences. We do things in our own time with minimal temporal commitments, so we are free to let our imaginations flow, some-days until the sun goes down and it is time for bed.

Because this lifestyle is so different to the norm and may not necessarily be as controlled or secure as a normal childhood environment we find ourselves working harder to include him in decisions and the formation of ideas or plans. Our days allow for his input and we have the time to explore the things the three year old mind considers logical. This increases his self-confidence and encourages him to speak up and add input where he sees fit. Although the ideas of a three year old aren’t always achievable/logical (e.g. Flying to the moon on a Sunday afternoon) sometimes they prove to be fun, exciting and rejuvenating and they always make our day a little different to how we expected it to be.

This lifestyle is a fantastic way to take your children away from distractions and the “busy-ness” of everyday life and really get to know them. It’s a beautiful experience and it really enhances your relationship with them.

Us as a family

As a family we have come to really depend on each other, after all when we are in the middle of nowhere, alone we don’t have anyone else to depend on! I went from just being my husband’s wife to becoming his drinking buddy, apprentice, best mate and competition (He loves competitive games we even competed on the way out to Ayers Rock to see who could spot it first – I won!). He has become my “girlfriend”, confidante, dance partner and chick-flick-companion among other things. To Zac we have willingly become his “play-mates” his buddies, his “taste testers” (for the latest play dough creations) and his teachers.

We depend on each other a lot and we bring so much to each other’s lives. Only having “us” for support has meant that we have had to further develop our abilities to be selfless and understanding when the other person/s may need some extra care or support even if we’re not feeling up to it. We understand and respect that when one person is unwell the other person has no choice but to take on the responsibilities. We also understand that what we have is special and beautiful and we are extremely lucky to feel so close and connected.

If you choose to live this (or any more “family- time focussed”) lifestyle you will find that for every negative there is a positive. For every shred of normalcy and routine your life lacks you will emotionally regain a new level of dependence and understanding with your family or travel companion. For every moment you miss out on with others (and sadly there are many) you can focus on the moments you are gaining with your family.

We dont always make make the "best" or the "right" decisions but the decisions we make nearly always lead to us being happier and more content. Dont be afraid to put happiness first and chase it! As long as it isnt at the expense of others than you have no reason to not be happy.

There is so much you need to sacrifice physically and mentally to live this kind of a lifestyle but it brings an unimaginable amount of joy and contentment to your life, which is worth more than any item you could own.

Just a few thoughts on positivity and nature.

Before we began this adventure we were different to whom we are today. There is no denying that living on the road promotes a lot of personal change and growth, as does any dramatic change in your life. We knew there would be changes, well we hoped, but we didn’t realise they would be so dramatic.

You can easily account for all of the physical ways your life will change but there is no way you can prepare for how much that will spill into the mental/emotional aspects of what makes you, you. You discover new (and sometimes old) things about yourself, you reignite passion that had been lost in routine and you let go, of many negative past experiences. I like to consider myself a spiritual or thoughtful person so read on for my interpretation of the change and growth I have experienced as a result of this adventure.

'Let it go'

For me, the “letting go” has been the most dramatic change. I was an extremely “hardened” person due to being let down by the world, many times in my short life and never truly understanding why. For someone of just 25 years of age I had experienced enough loss to last a lifetime, enough emotional and physical pain to really start to feel that the world “had it in” for poor little me (don’t we all feel that way sometimes, though?). I didn’t understand all of the bad things that had happened and I gauged my self-worth, and ability to be happy based on the negative experiences of the past.

This kind of mindset had fashioned me into a stressed, over-emotional, pessimistic shadow of the woman I hoped to be. It dictated my days, my relationships with others and my passion for life, in subtle and overwhelming ways.  Even when I was happy and content ‘in the moment’ I was aware and held back by the fact that it could all be taken away at any second and nothing was within my control.

When we moved into our van and began travelling I didn’t necessarily gain a massive amount of control that had been missing from my life. I gained an entirely new perspective and emotional response to my past. I gained the ability to “let it go”. I’m not 100% sure of what aspect of the adventure facilitated this element of growth, whether it was the actual act of downsizing and leaving everyone and everything we knew. Perhaps it was seeing a new place every day or meeting new people or all of these things combined? I know it certainly had something to do with being so close to nature.

I tend to harp on a lot about the healing power nature possesses, because I genuinely believe it played a role in my personal growth. Immersing yourself in nature is not only reaffirming but the minimalistic non-material aspect of it makes it something you can subconsciously depend on when other resources may dry up. You don’t need to control nature yet you don’t feel disconnected from your own future when you immerse yourself in it. Being able to seek out nature (by going on camping trips or picnics or even travelling Australia in a van or tent) and wander through a forest or watch a sunset over the beach provides the most simplistic form of joy and happiness.

What do you see when you look at this photo? Nothing? The outback? I see "Mundi Mundi Plains" a place where the flat lands stretch out so far that you can actually see the curvature of the earth. Seeing somthing like this certainly gives you a different perspective on the world.

For me, enjoying nature and the outdoors has been fundamental to growing as a person. When I sit on a beach and watch the sunset, or let the red sand of the dessert sift through my fingers I experience optimistic emotions and a vigour or passion for life. I feel inspired by nature and its beauty. I let go of the past and relax, physically and mentally, into the woman I am meant to be. My family and I relax and we are flooded with endorphins and energy to conquer any emotional or physical barrier. Never underestimate the positive effect that getting outside and immersing yourself and your family in nature could have on your life, your relationships and your overall happiness.