Getting out of the occasional "lonely" funk.

Last night I wrote this very honest post about my experience with the lonely feelings that somtimes pop up while you are on the road. Even though this wasn't somthing I heavily considered prior to starting our adventure I still feel it may be somthing that other people consider when deciding whether to start their own touring lifestyle. Maybe I can help ease those feelings by offering a few strategies for dealing with them.


Skype is your new best friend


I was hesitant to begin using skype, I thought it might be awkward and I'd maybe forget I was on camera and pick my nose or do somthing equally unappealing. But honestly - it's one of the BEST tools you have avaliable to you to connect with the loved ones you are missing. Nothing quiet compares to seeing their faces and it really helps to make the distance between you feel a little smaller. Skype is also comforting for the people youve left. This journey you are on can be unnerving for them, worrying about your safety and at times not being able to contact you for a few days at a time. So with Skype you can "check in" and REALLY check in, seeing your face and knowing you are safe and well can be really comforting for your friends and family.


Talk to people


Even the shyest of shy people will come out of their shell eventually. When we first began travelling Brent (my husband) would talk to anyone and everyone and sometimes I would hide in the caravan because I felt sort of awkward when it came to making small talk. Eventually it just flowed naturally, but it did take me a couple of months to become really comfortable and submit to my situation. Sparking up a conversation with another mother at the park or a fellow sunset watcher on the beach or another bushwalker along the track, even just for a few minutes, can do wonders to ease that subcincious feeling of "longing" for the company of your friends and family. Somtimes this even leads to creating your own little "on the road" family. Chances are you will run into the same people quiet often (we certainly have) so dont be afraid to ask where people are off to next.


Put it on paper


Kick it old school - snail mail style! Write them a letter or a post card and post it (or dont). Or even write an email? Its a great way to stay in touch and were all so "Attached" to tehcnology these days that chances are your recieve a reply quickly - while you still need it.


Be mindful


Remeber that although you are missing out on so much time with your family and friends you do have the people/person you brought along with you. Nothing can match that sort of quality of time with your partner and/or children. Your relationships become stronger and you learn how to be everything for eachother. You become eachothers best friends, drinking buddies, fittness trainer and all of the other things we rely on our mates for. This kind of new and deeper relationship with your partner or children (hopefully your children arent becoming your drinking buddies! lol) makes the void of friends and family alot easier to deal with.


Try to focus


Focus your thoughts onto the positive reasons as to WHY you are on this journey. I do this all the time. Remind yourself that you want this lifestyle and it brings so many positives to your life. Remember that even though we are so programmed to believe that we have to take every precious second of time with our family because life goes so fast, they WILL be there when you get back and you will have quality time with them. Even though I get very lonely and miss my family, I can identify the fact that when I am with them and domestic and everyday life get in the way I dont have the same kind of "quality time" for them. But when I'm passing through town and know I only have a week or two to be with them, we make the most of the time. We dont bicker because every moment is precious.


Connect online with other travellers


Do what I did - make a facebook page or blog so  that you can connect with other likeminded people. Following their journey, hearing their thoughts and feelings about similar situations can give you a new perspective on what you are experiencing. Or it could simply give you somone who genuinely understands, to moan and groan to! Either way connecting with likeminded people can make you feel less alone and less unsure of yourself and your lifestyle. Sometimes its nice to feel like part of a group when you have these kinds of dreams which seem to be so different from the path everyone you know in real life is following. The internet is a wonderful resource and theres a myriad of different people out there, you're sure to find someone feeling the same.


Pick up the phone


Make a quick "five minute" phone call to someone you have been missing or send them a text. Even if its only for a few moments its sure to make you feel a bit better and alot less disconnected.


If all else fails.. GO and see your friends and family


Remeber, also that your home DOES have wheels and if it does all get too be too much, find a way to factor in a "stop by" of home. At the moment we are about as far away from our entire friends and family as we could possibly be without leaving the country but when we have those lonely days and we miss them, we have a laugh and say to eachother "we *could* just hitch the van on and go see them, if it really got to be too much". This is true, you have the freedom to make that choice and you also have the choice to get back on the road after you go home whether it be for 6 days or for 6 months. Also I can guarantee you that the "inconvenience" of travelling all the way back home will be outweighed by both the adventure itself and the way you feel when you see the people you love again.

Sometimes life on the road can be lonely.

The isolation of living on the road

Living on the road can result in feelings of isolation. You discover really quickly how much harder life is without a support system by realising all the little ways you depended on it.  When I lived in towns close to family and friends I still considered myself mostly independent, so obviously I was shocked when I realised how complex life can be without the people I am close to.

After a few months of being on the road it finally clicked

I realised that it’s not about what your support system do for you, it’s about knowing you have them, knowing they will catch you if you fall. When you take that away, even though you aren’t actually taking away regular “physical” help, you are taking away this unconscious fundamental part of your psyche. The part of your mind that  pushes you to challenge yourself under the pretence of your subconscious being able to instantaneously assess what sort of help and support you will have in the event of a failure.

Overwhelming moments

Once you’re on the road and “on your own” and you challenge yourself you can sometimes find yourself becoming very overwhelmed at things that may not have previously overwhelmed you. On the flipside you may also find yourself taking on greater challenges as your confidence soars as a result of being on such an adventure. Sometimes I feel as though I become more overwhelmed by tasks because I know that it’s all “on me”, I can’t phone a friend to race over and assist with babysitting duties.  When these moments strike I have to try really hard to focus on the positives of our situation.

Thats our van on the left. This is how we camped at Douglas Hot Springs and ended up having a wonderful night by the fire in the centre of the three vans, with both our neighbours. We told stories, toasted marshmellows and enjoyed a few drinks. The man in the van on the right was an author, travelling Australia selling his book so he was extremely interesting for a chat!  

We’re all in this together

Although it is hard being away from your friends and family for the most part of the year, not knowing anyone and not having any support, this lifestyle still brings a lot of joy. For every close friend or family member I don’t see every day I meet a beautiful new person, even if sometimes it’s just for a few hours or a few days. Everyone on the road is in the same situation and because of this “we stick together”.

Quality time V quantity of time

This is especially relevant when camping in more remote areas and at road side “free camps” (rest stops). You spend a lot of quality, uninterrupted time together with people in a short time frame and because of that you get to know them really fast.  Everyone is very relaxed because, ultimately, they are all on holidays.  There is no T.V and mobile phones, you all just sit together by a camp fire and talk about the places you have seen and life in general.

How can I help you

One of the greatest things about being on the road is the way that everyone has something they want to give to others whether it is a message, a lesson or an actual item. Everyone has something to share.  This kind of sharing and giving fills the void of the moments and support your friends and family “at home” bring to your life. Along the road you will have many experiences where you will be having a “down day” and someone will come into your life in a seemingly insignificant way or maybe a big way, but it will bring something to your day and fill the void for the time being.

 For example: we met a young family at one point along the way and ended up spending time in two towns with them. Once we moved on from there (in a different direction to them) we were feeling a bit down and disconnected due to not “socialising” with other people for a few days. We ended up finding a motorhome broken down on the side of the road. They were absolutely destitute and the sun was setting. They had run out of fuel. We ended up giving them the contents of our Jerry can (which luckily was enough to get them to the next service station). We said they didn’t have to pay us but they gave us $50 for about $25 worth of fuel (refused to give us any less). This little stop with these people, which allowed US to help them made us feel refreshed and useful and connected. As we got in the car to drive away the man ran back over and handed us a lovely bottle of wine from his own winery, as a gift of gratitude. We ran into them at the next town and it was reaffirming to see a “familiar face”.

A bit of Zen

I believe that everything in life (and hence everything on the road) is a complementary process. For every negative there comes a positive, it’s not always enough to balance out the magnitude of the negative but it’s a reaffirming experience to say the least. When you have a bad day, spend the next day looking especially hard for the positives, they ARE there.

We all have something special to offer

I can guarantee you that when you are on the road, for every person you spend your days missing you will meet someone that brings something to your life – whether it is a beautiful story, a shared meal, a bottle of wine or a chat by the fire. There’s something humbling and reaffirming about connecting with a stranger along the road and I’m sure you will bring something special to their day too. After all, when we are feeling lonely, at least we are all lonely together.